Clever Joke

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you"

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

China Engrish

How 'kind' of them!

New type of crime: 'stealing' humans.

'Press' the glass in order NOT to get hurt?

How to clean the table when you're dead?

Asian 'rear'. Round and juicy. *howl* XD

There's Viagra to keep you UP, and now there's this new product to keep you DOWN, in grape flavor? lol.

Yeah, listen to their 'warning' if you don't want to turn into a eunuch. They rear piranhas. *chomp chomp*

Whatever.... F*ck!

Whatever


Notice how she rolls her eyes? 17" is the best part!

Frog? F*ck!


Veli funny ah~ addicted already.... Children are just so adorable and innocent....

Jokes to share

From a forwarded email landed in my mailbox...

Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and walls..........

A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapour,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space.......

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson... Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

No Trespassing!

This is a good one!
Scary... and smart indeed to make people laugh and walk away!
Many thanks to Heppy for the pic~

Squeeze some milk~ 挤个奶

This is damn hilarious!!!
Was watching it two days ago in the middle of the night, tears almost came out~



A thousand apologies to those who can't read Mandarin, and also to those who love this song/singer or whatever offense caused by this clip~

Mom's turn~

Mom's turn to tell a joke~
Can't believe she's even more "in" then us, watching Taiwanese celebrity game shows...

The question goes like this:

Making a phone call to a tortoise. Guess one type of vegetable.

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Answer: Koh Gui~ (bitter gourd in Hokkien) - "Call" Gui...

For those non-Hokkiens, so sorry lar if you don't get the joke~

Another crapping session~

The words 'Johnnie Walker' "floated" by today while I was online chatting, when I was supposed to study for tomorrow's final exams, and it reminded me of this joke I heard many years ago~

There are two smartly dressed Englishmen sitting by the bar, and in comes Ah Beng dressed like he hasn't changed his wardrobe for 20 years.

Bartender: Good evenings Sirs, how may I help you?

Englishman 1: Jack Daniels. Single.

Englishman 2: Johnnie Walker. Single.
*Ah Beng looks at both Englishmen admiringly*

*cleared throat and act smart*

Ah Beng: Lim Ah Beng. Mehlid! (Married)


There goes another Ah Beng joke, whom Wingz always talk about...
Pity those who has "Beng" as part of their names~

Like my brother, Bing Hong, whom we call him BING~
When we're not so "polite" to him, we straight away call him "LIM AH BING!!!!"

Btw, must say something good about him, if not 'big wok' lor~
*ahem* My bro is a very GOOD guy, not geeky or la-la like the real Ah Bengs...

See, look, see, look!


my leng chai cousin and Bing (right)


Wohkay, I hate his ROUND specs, without his specs, this is how he looks.






Age: 15 years old
Height: 165cm++
Weight: 45kg+
Status: Single and available.

Can sing, dance, active in sports, smart, good looking; full-time gamer and joker~

Interested? Ask permission from da BOSS a.k.a The Parent. Coz he's under-aged lar!

End of craps~ back to revision...

*switching brain from illogical mode to logical and numerical mode*

Math is logic.
Logic people are good in math.
I'm illogic.
Therefore I sark in math.

Try this~

I'm getting real bored here... Let's do this little exercise my bro once taught me.

Step 1: Put one finger each from both hands into the sides of your mouth.

Step 2: Now pull your mouth wide open, side ways of course.

Step 3: Try talking without closing your mouth too much.


Done?



Let's try to read this out LOUD...



Wohkay? Great. Give you an A+!

LMAO!

I had dinner today with my grandparents and uncle, when he suddenly said, "maybe we should try putting up Ronald McDonald's photo on MyHeritage and see what happens".
I didn't take his words seriously, until right just now, he sent me this HTML code, "try putting it up on your blog, you'll be surprised!" I thought he found an ugly photo of me and tried it out, instead I got this!

http://www.myheritage.com

Poor guys! And for the only woman, Kristie Alley, sorry la, your mother born you to look like that, don't blame anyone...
By the way, Ben Stiller looks unusually good looking in that pic!

And hey, got Mrs.McDonald wor...

A gorgeous lady like this married to a freaky old clown!? I hate clowns... because I'm AFRAID of clowns! Yeah, watched too much horror movies... where freaky clowns kill people *shivers*...
Anyway there's no Mrs. McDonald... It's just an advertistment... Maybe Ronald McDonald is gay...