A rabbit wishing to have fangs

Ask every college or university student, and they will know how it feels like when the semester is ending:
Assignment deadlines nearing,
final exams almost right after assignment deadlines,
so much work yet so little time,
blood pressure and stress level rising,
immune system weakening,
the people around starts to become easily irritated or irritating, just like yourself.
Or maybe it's just me.

Well lets see, 2 more weeks before the semester ends, and I still have 1 documentary, 1 writing assignment, 1 viva, 1 presentation, 1 mock interview and 1 proposal, and the deadlines for 5 out of these 6 is next week! I'm so not going to get through this!

Some people say I'm too kind, I say I'm too timid to be bitchy.
Ignore the paragraph below, I don't want you to get an eye sore.

You booked something, lets say a reference book from a friend in advance, but when the day is near, another friend said he wants to borrow that same book from the friend on the same day. Fine, since I can try to find another book from someone else, let it be, you might need it more than I do. So I searched high and low for another book, and couldn't get an extra one. Then you come back and try to take away my stationaries too? bla... bla... bla.... Oh, so you took the video camera i booked first, and now you want to borrow my tripod as well?!! Well, I'm not happy and not comfortable about it, but never mind, you can take it. sigh.

Too kind to people? Easily taken advantage of? Not bitchy enough?
I'm actually very mean. Inside.

Helpless. Hopeless.

"Saya Anti-Rasuah"

The tag line above sounds familiar right? Did it work anyway? Of course not!

My mom and I was on the Federal Highway in PJ, and suddenly all cars from the fast lane was cutting to the middle lane.

One policeman was pointing and waving and shouting to his other "Anti-Rasuah" crew that they have caught another BIG fish.

So the red fish had to stop by the roadside.

*Wind down the window and hand over driving license*

"Over speed limit la Cik"

"Speed berapa?"

*Pointing at the clipboard with a full list of fishes*

"97kmph. Tunggu saman sekejap"

"Tolong sikit la, mau hantar anak pergi sekolah, sudah lewat ni"

"Mau macam mana tolong?"

"30 ringgit boleh?"

"Tak boleh"

"Ok lah, 50 ringgit, boleh?"

"Ok ok. Letak bawah lesen."

*passes over license again with RM50 note below*

"Harga saman sekarang mahal tau, RM200. Awak sudah untung RM150 ni!

*signaled us to leave*

"Niasing, rasuah my RM50 samo dare say I untung RM150..."

And it all happened in less than 2 minutes. And I was speechless during the whole process...
What a good way of making fast money~

Modesty is the word

XX says:
understand urself

rycerain says:
i'm kinda happy with who i am now.
but it seems like i can't be what i am now ==
so i'll be modest again.. not expressive, not imaginative, refrain myself from talking too much...
just like last time, keep on a low profile.. is that good enough?

ask urself

myself says i'm happier expressing myself... but it seems like it's not a good idea to some..
getting unwanted attention.. making ppl's life miserable~

hmm

so i'll just keep on a low profile den.. keep everything to myself..
n i'm sure i'm gonna get into depression real soon~

relax
relax

i'm very relaxed now.

gd

i'll be very neutral from now on.. not expressing emotions - happiness, sadness, anger~
i'll just be someone different~

bagus
neutral is bagus

i guess that's it~
n u r encouraging me to become some one whom i'm not.
well. lets see how long i can be like this before i become better or worse.

bt nvm.. i'll get used to it

be urself
that is the best for urself
but u'll need to determine it urself

myself is expressive, imaginative, straightfoward~

sure?

maybe that's the new me.

maybe....

it'll sure be a 360 degrees change.
i might not be blogging anymore...

;)

n u think that's good?

i didnt say so
i'll support whatever u do

but wat i am initially wasn't supported~
maybe i felt that it was a big impact~ the words u said to me this evening~ and i cried for the 1st time in 4 months~
but forget it.
i'll just go neutral for the time being. if nobody sees any prob with it den i'll continue.

u should suit urself with urself and surroundings

my surroundings suit me like what i am.

then be like what u want then
dun just follow what i say

nvm. i've decided.
i might change my mind. but lets see how long i can go.

ok
i support u
dun worry

thx.

Modesty is my theme now. I'll be going neutral~ expressionless, emotionless, reserved. I might be betraying myself, but it has been decided.

Quickie~

Just had my dinner, let's make this a quick one while my blood flow focuses on my tummy instead of my brain~

Previously it's the "Blogging Behavior" interview, now it's the "Caffeine related to energy boost" interview...

Maybe too much chat-box interview made me sort of went cuckoo for a few seconds, I can't believe i interviewed the "Smarter Child" on MSN.

Me: Can I interview you?
Smarter Child: Don't interview me! Just kidding. Interview me all you want.
Me: How often do you drink coffee?
Smarter Child: I don't drink. Bad for the circuit boards.
Me: ....

Computers can be humorous after all...

Alright.. time to start the engines... But I need more oil...
I sound so depressed in my MSN display name: "I'm a procrastinator in a state of denial"...
Yeah... maybe I am... with a final presentation worth 40% this Thursday and 4 assignments all due on next Monday, why shouldn't I be depressed? Especially when I'm not even 20% in finishing it off....

Won't be back so soon... But I'll be back!

原来爱情这么伤 - 梁咏琪

我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

只想变的坚强强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤

原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样

Sorry for posting in Mandarin... I just couldn't help it...
Anyway it's just the lyrics of a song...
A song i truly felt deep in my heart... In the past, and present...

Love hurts... it really hurts... it's harder than we can imagine...

A changed person, am I?

I don't know who I am now... I felt that i have changed... but i don't know how I have changed... Most probably my lifestyle and mentality... Have i became better or worse, that is up to the individual to interpret... All i can say is, i like some part of it, but dislike the others...
Kinda weird to say that i can't read my own mind and heart... Uncertain with myself, a coward in facing the truth... But on the other hand, i felt that i have learned to express my feelings verbally better than before... and i think I'm getting more and more talkative... or maybe just to certain groups of people... Maybe i just don't care too much of what people think of me anymore... but sometimes i would just keep quiet without having the initiative to start a conversation when I'm with my friends... I'll be buried deep into my own thoughts...
I really don't understand myself anymore... Hope to understand myself through other people... But no matter good or bad, I'll take it with an open heart ^^

dreams~dreams~dreams

Did i actually slept yesterday night? I did, but when i woke up, i felt like i didn't sleep at all, maybe because i was dreaming the whole night... Freakish dream! I dreamed i was taking care of a little brat on the plane (don't know whose child is that, supposedly is someone whose parent i know) , and the most freaking part, i dreamed i was asked to do a math question on the white board, which i didn't do beforehand, and i don't know how to do it on the spot!! Everybody was waiting, and i was writing and rubbing it off again and again, hand sweating, felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed! I don't think i managed to finish the question, until i realized i did the wrong question, i was supposed to do the easier one ><''' It's still giving me the creeps! I can say so that it was a nightmare :S

Mr.James asked us to write down our dreams everyday, for it is easier to interpret... For the flying and babysitting part, i don't have a clue... As from what i guessed, the math part, maybe it's just my anxiety of the Statistics for Psychology subject, that i am unable to concentrate in class, and test is this Friday, clashing with the deadline for another assignment, which i haven't started doing! Ahhhh!!!! Can someone kill me!!! Or let me just take 许玮伦's place...??

Anybody knows how to have a QUALITY sleep? I tried quantity, but it's useless, i just get even more tired (maybe i slept at the wrong time)... I've been waking up everyday for the past days (or maybe weeks) feeling tired and heavy, and feeling damn tired in the day, and energetic at night... But yesterday was a different case, whole day super blur and tired... My memory span and capacity is deteriorating! I can't concentrate! I can't do anything! Help me!!

Quazee Sem!

Don't know how to describe this semester in words!
Look at everyone's face and you'll know....
One big word on our faces - STRESS!
In this two weeks, Germany will be my food, Michael Jackson will be my 'man', and i haven't thought of a research topic yet ><'''
Assignments came gushing in like the Johor floods, and it won't subside that quickly...
In this coming two weeks we have 2 assignments to pass up and 1 presentation...
First test is on Thursday, and what have i done?
Omgosh, my brain cells have yet to start warming up... Everything is moving so fast!
People around me had become so hardworking all of a sudden, and it's so scary and stressful seeing them putting in so much effort, but me.... nothing!
I think I've forgotten what is true happiness or how to laugh out loud...
I even forgot how to cry with tears...
I guess I'm already numb... o.0'''
But please my dear brainy, don't freeze, i still need you to crawl through this bed of nails...
Or else I'll be dead...
No, WE will be dead if you don't function well....
So please cooperate with me... at least for my last 60 years....

Am I still Earthling?

on the outside...
What a day! What a surprise! What a truth! And I'm almost the last one to know? How can... when it's happening around me almost everyday! Am i living on Earth all the while??? Maybe i should pay more attention to my surroundings... Ahem, i mean to the people around me... People these days can act and hide things really well...

on the real side of me...
The plane is experiencing great, unexpected turbulence, please remain seated and fasten your seat belts, we might nose-dive into the ocean anytime, anywhere....

Behold! Rough seas ahead!

6 days of classes per week! You kidding us!? This semester's timetable is so khek sui, there's only one class per day for 4 days, and the other two days 3 classes per day... and i even have class on Saturdays! =.='''
Taking 5 subjects this semester is quite a challenge for me especially when it comes to statistics... Yeap, I'm weak in maths.... failed my add maths from the beginning of form 4 even until my SPM trials... haha.... And public speaking = nightmare! I'll get super tongue twisted... No choice but to face it anyway... good also la, give us training and speaking classes... boost our confidence as well... Besides studies there's more to do... never ending work which consumes time and energy! Mum told me not to collapse, i hope i won't...

*drum roll*
Introduction to Public Speaking
Statistics for Psychology
Cognitive Psychology
Personality Theories
Psychological Research Methods
here i come!

This is gonna be a tough semester for me, or maybe it's just the beginning of going 6-feet under.... =.='''' by the way who doesn't? it's just a matter of how long we take to reach there... Life is so unpredictable... once we breathe in this breath of air, we'll never know whether we have to chance to breathe it out again... ><'''

Love = Egg?

The hope of succeeding in a relationship, is just like trying to hatch an egg with your bare hands...
Although it's risky, many still search high and low for this special egg for themselves, pour in their precious time and unconditional love to care for this egg, eager to have a good outcome, hoping to enjoy the process, and harvest the fruit of labour when the egg hatches...


Most people choose to cover up the egg with their hands, to protect it from harm and give it warmth, without knowing that the egg is about to suffocate inside... Although it is possible to hold on the egg for quite a long period of time, true love will die out sooner or later, and the egg might not hatch in the end...

Some clever ones choose to balance the egg on their palm, to give the egg more space for itself, and at the same time keeping an eye on it...


Although it might take a longer time for the egg to hatch, with more space to breathe and moderate warmth, eternal love will hatch out from the egg when the right time comes...


However, for some people who are worried that the egg might fall out from their hands, choose to hold the egg tightly in their hands... The egg will not fall out no matter what, but not long after that, the pressure upon the egg will cause it to be smashed... By their own hands...
The egg is gone... It's gone all because you hold to it too tight...


No matter how much litre of tears you shed, and how hard you prayed for this egg to return to it's original state, it will still remain a smashed egg.... Why cry over a smashed egg? Fry and eat it up! After that, wipe your mouth and get yourself another egg, when you are ready for the new challenge of course...

Another tired day

Waaaa... tired tired.... the monkeys are tiring me out.... Millions of cells died out... Muscles aching... two more days to go and i can relax... oh no... can't relax... might get even tired... going off soon... to a far away land....
Few days ago while i was waiting for my bro outside his school, i started to get real bored and started ransaking my sis's car... guess what i found at the compartment between the front seats.... 1 big stack of paper, to be precise, parking fines! Some are as long as last year's, and the ink are started to fade... i counted them all, 14 of them in total, plus one i found in my room.... don't know how many more she's keeping... ><''' i counted the total amount for the fines.... it totalled up to RM780! My sis very geng 1 lor, kena saman tak payah bayar, she said 1...
The first few times my parents asked her to pay for it, she said no need, but still paid for 1 or 2 of it, coz it's an order from the king of the house! Then after that never heard of her getting fines anymore... until i found it all in her car.... she never told anybody about it i guess.... She said before don't need to worry about those fines as it's from MPPJ, coz MPPJ's not strict... But i found 1 from MPK leh... saman RM50... She really geng 1 lar... when one fine day an operation comes up, see how she's gonna pay up the fine.... or maybe she'll just go straight to the free 'hotel' with free curry rice la....

Bad Move

Gosh... kinda regret what i did to my hair.... aiks.... cut it short... real short till the top part is almost standing... T_T why am i so impulsive? Look like a boy in skirt now ><''' What to do.... can only wait till it grows longer...

few days before this fatal day ><

After the impulsive move...

great... aft my bath, this is how terrible i look n my hair without wax...

Now i know why caps come in handy for guys... and why they insist in wearing a cap on mamak outings... coz their hair is not gelled... ><>

Mixed Feelings...

Kinda weird day, haven't felt like this for quite a long time... i actually felt like what i felt back then... deeply hurt >< Midvalley n KTM punya pasal...
Anyway, Happy Feet and McFlurry Oreo made me happy! Feel like having another one... wahahaaa... i was driving while eating, n it tastes much more better like this coz of the risk... Driving manual with both hands occupied with the cup n the spoon, and only two fingers gripping the wheel.... dangerous, but fun ^^....
Shu Han's going to Canada lor, won't be around next sem ady... gonna miss her presence alot... Sest Nee, Ray n her came to Klang last Friday, not much place to go coz Klang's a boring town... We went to Tesco to "visit" Poh Kong, Sest's idea la, pat gua, wanna see the crime scene... but it's already continuing business lor... We ended up buying junkfood and went for a 'picnic' at Tanjung Harapan to see the sunset... Quite a scary place with lots of crows starting at us when we eat... and then the sky turn dark, once we get into the car, it started to pour like tap water ><'''
We went straight for dinner, vegetarian steamboat... not as delicious as usual, kesian them can't finish the food, they ate a little only, not used to it gua... next round: Port Klang 'tong yuen'... finally they ate happily... last round: Pandamaran yoyo-ice... they still can eat... i cannot liao... up to my throat ady ><'''
Today the 4 of us went to Midvalley to catch a movie, plus 3 more guys. We watched Happy Feet, coz nobody wanna watch Casino Royal, "Katsingo Loyao" as what Yi Yang interpreted (up my arse as in Cantonese)... This movie... nicer than i expected wor... the story is quite educational with a good message sent to all, plus the animation is good... kinda fun watching it, enjoying the whole process ^^ cool tap dance...

Nothing to write here for now... some things are better not said.... i'll throw it elsewhere...

Why? Why? Tell me why?

Aunty? Cheh Cheh?
This is one complicated question... when we were young, around the age of 7-15, we will call people around the age of 25+ aunty or uncle... if younger than 25 but older than us, we call them cheh cheh or koh koh right...
but now, when we are almost 20 (still young la), our brains are kinda fixed that 30+ years old are aunties n uncle.... but in fact, not considered rite.... this i know la... but then, for children, around the age below 2 years old, what should they call people 18 years older than them? still cheh cheh or koh koh rite... but why... got parents tell their few months old baby to let AUNTY carry! *sob* do i look so old... *sweat*... not all of them la, but the number is enough to make me wonder why.... uik... ><''' aunty....

Bitches
Why do people call sluts or whores bitches? Bitch is actually a proper word, it means a female dog mah... but now it seems like a foul word... anyway this is a good word to describe bitches... why? coz the other day when i was in the car looking outside, i saw something quite 'unusual'... I saw a dog fucking a bitch at the roadside, maybe normal for some, but with two more dogs waiting in line to fuck that bitch is quite unusual and disgusting... plus the road is kinda busy, n they r not shy of it... haha... please excuse me to use the F word, coz this is the easiest way to explain :P no wonder ppl call promiscuous girls bitches la... aiseh... so whoever likes to use this word, better think twice before labelling ppl as bitches... a name too heavy to carry...

Vulgar words
Why do foul words, no matter what language it is, is ALWAYS related to f*cking? in english, the most popular 1... f*ck you, mandarin: kan... hokkien: kan ni lao bu bla bla blah... (too vulgar edy, complete it urself) why do they like to f*ck ppl? aren't there other words to scold ppl? especially the hokkien one, terrible, why f*ck ppl's mother? why always the mother? why always the girls kena paling teruk? why bully females, stereotyping us...
One more thing i find funny is, some parents scold their children vulgar words, for example, a father scold his son "kan ni lao bu....", means he wants his son to f*ck his wife, or is he telling the whole world that he f*cks his wife? ><'''

That's enough for today... forgive me for using certain words which might sore your eyes.... I've already warned you all before with the disclaimer note at the bottom of the page.... ngek ngek....
off to wash my eyes n brain! *up up and away!*

c2pid UCSI server!

waaahhh.... phek chek ah.... stupid UCSI server.... y everybody can do their course selection but not me?? what's this? means server prob rite.... haih...

Microsoft OLE DB Provider for SQL Server error '80040e14'

Line 1: Incorrect syntax near 't'.

/advantage/eCourseSel/AppSubmit.asp, line 126

i guess they are using a cheap modem...
UCSI = U'll See Shit Inside ><'''
next week start working lor...
the interview was kind of a mess, can't believe i brought the wrong file...
i'm supposed to take my certificates file, instead i brought the wrong one, with all those useless certs from primary school... =.='''
luckily the headmistress is very cincai, she didn't really interview me, she gave me an "exam" instead... ask me to construct sentences.... like bina ayat in 3 languages, using primary school standard... and ask me to 数比划... aiks...
terrible la, long time didn't do all these things... but luckily i made it through la... if not go bang my head at the wall... ><'''
this will be a challenging work for me... coz i never teach tuition before, and i have to teach mandarin... my mandarin sux...
plus, those children are kinda problematic, either their family background is problematic, or they r problem kids... or worse, both...
hope everything will turn out well...
getting a low pay for this job, but what i want to gain is not the money, it's the experience...

Weird Dreams

Having weird dreams these two days...
My "dream cells" are too active and imaginative lately perhaps...

Dream 1:
Two days ago i dreamt that i was on a cruise in Italy... with a guy...
i suppose he is my fiance or husband, and we were on our honeymoon or whatever ><
can't get to see his face though... ish... but then, i know who he is by just hearing his voice...
it was kinda romantic having dinner on a cruise at the canal...
but then i felt that something wasn't right... yea, i could actually 'feel' in my dream...
the cuiser wasn't moving out of the pier because of the unusual low tide...
then a woman shouted "look how ugly the water is!", and yes, the water is indeed black and dirty, and it's flowing out towards the sea, sort of like being sucked out....
and a few seconds after that the tide came in all of a sudden and the water became very choppy...
i started to feel even more uneasy, and i told my fiance or husband that we should get off the cruiser coz i wasn't feeling well...
before he could even respond a sudden big wave hit the cruiser on it's side...
as we were on the bottom deck, everyone was okay, just shocked, but when we looked out to the other side of the cruiser, we saw people in the sea... the people on the open deck above fell of when the wave hit...
everyone panicked and started to evacuate... as we were seated near the exit we get to get out first...
along the narrow metal staircase up to the pier, i heard people screaming and crying, and people shouting for help from the water, and i can see some people got stuck in the mud...
the wave brought in lots of green algae and it was floating on the water, trapping the victims, and making it hard for rescuers to look for survivors...
it was really frightening to hear the screamings and shoutings, i prayed hard that the next wave will not come, coz i don't wanna die yet, and there are still many people in the cruiser waiting to get out...
but once we stepped on safe ground, the next wave came, bigger and ferocious then the first one...
the cruiser came toppling over, half of it burried in the mud...
we couldn't do anything but to save ourselves first...
shocked by the incident, i couldn't speak a word, and can only hold on his arms tightly as we walked on...
i was waiting for him to put his arms around me to shield me from the strong winds and comfort me...
but it didn't came... coz this is him, i know him..... and..... i woke up after that... ><'''

Dream 2:
This dream was rather short, or maybe i couldn't really recall much of it...
First i was in a shopping mall, holding a cute baby girl in my arms...
and then someone secretly put something into my bag, and i was caught by the police =.='''
i don't know what they found, and i was sentenced a 3 years jail term...
at that time my dream told me that the baby girl is mine ><''
and i have to serve my jail term with my baby under my care... swt....
funny thing is, i even asked my mum how to bathe my baby before i'm being put into jail...
and that's it... i woke up blurred and puzzled why this kind of dream appear in my sleep...

Omg, this is weird... what are these dreams telling me? these two are too advanced for now... i mean... one is i'm married, the other one i'm already a mother... =.='''
well, this isn't the first time i dreamt of a tsunami.... it's already the 3rd time....
yes... and i once dreamt that i lost my whole family in a tsunami.... ><''

Anyone knows how to interpret dreams?
I guess the first dream clearly shows that I'm a person who craves for security...
yeap, I'm that kind of person...
other then that... i don't know a heck out of it...
oh ya... the first dream was in blue and green...
the 2nd dream was in something like a mixture of orange and brown...